Gosh, I don’t even know how to begin this. It is with a very sad and heavy heart that I have to let you know that our sweet, precious daughter has gone to be with Jesus. She passed away on the 11th of April and I gave birth to her on the 17th. This is absolutely the worst thing that could happen to a parent and I still can’t believe it has happened to us. I want to thank all of you that have been faithfully praying for our daughter and standing with us in believing for her healing. Though God did not make her sick or cause her to die, He did allow it and we trust that He knows what is best. I also want to thank all of you that have already heard the news and have been praying for our peace and comfort and sending us loving messages. It is definitely part of what is helping Morgan and me get through this. I have been up and down and have experienced more emotions than I even knew were possible. Though there is absolutely nothing that can take away the aching pain and emptiness I feel over the fact that I am not going to hold my sweet girl again (at least not on Earth) and watch her grow up, I am so very thankful for my husband and my son during this time. My amazing husband has been a rock by my side through this all and has brought me much comfort. Our precious son, Samuel, has been a source of much joy and laughter when we need it the most.
The biggest thing that is getting me through this horrible time is my faith in our God. Funny thing is a couple months ago one of our speakers asked our students what they thought could cause them to turn away from Him. I discussed this with a few of them and told them my answer at the time. I said the thing that came to my mind right away was the loss of a child. I figured I would be so mad at Him for allowing this to happen that I might easily decide that He either wasn’t real or just not worth following anymore. Now I find myself going through that exact thing and I find that He is the biggest help in getting through this. Knowing that my daughter is in heaven with Jesus being loved beyond my imagination is very comforting. She will not ever know pain, sadness, rejection….she won’t have to have any surgeries… Knowing that I will see her again someday brings me so much comfort, hope, and joy. Thank You, Jesus! Don’t get me wrong. I would be lying if I said that I have not felt any anger towards God the past couple of weeks and questioning whether He really speaks and whether or not we actually hear Him. I’ve told Him as much. I am thankful though that He is loving, patient, gracious, and gentle among many things. He is also trustworthy and has proven this to our family time and time again. So, I trust Him. Yes, He could have saved her if He so chose. He didn’t though and I believe it’s because that was the best thing for her and for us. As my doctor put it, our daughter had “severe problems” with her heart and brain. She may have come out needing tons of surgeries, etc. and been in lots of pain and we may have lost her anyways. Neither Morgan nor I want this for our precious girl, so maybe God in His great mercy decided that it was best for her to go straight from her momma to Him. Needless to say, it still hurts tremendously.
What will we do now? We will march on. We considered moving home for a bit, but we know that He is calling us to continue on here in Kona with YWAM, so that’s what we will do. There is no better place than being in the center of God’s will. We will, however, be going home for 2 ½ weeks. We really just need to be with our family and friends for a bit while we walk through this valley. We are having a memorial service for our Sarah on Wednesday. She is being cremated and we will spread her ashes her in Hawaii once we return from California.
Lastly, the unexpected expenses of flying back and forth to Oahu, flying home, and her cremation have presented a bit of a hardship for us. If you feel to contribute to any of these expenses we would greatly appreciate it. Just click here or paste into your browser: http://uofnkona.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=652&MN=5638 or send us an e-mail/call us.
Again, thank you so much for your prayers and loving, encouraging words. They mean a lot to us.
Morgan, Lisa, and Samuel
Job 13:15 “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”
1) for our comfort and peace
2) that our time home would bring rest and healing
3) that our financial needs would be met